Am i really lost????

Since few days...hmm lemme be precise since 4 days....i feel lost!!!
I am happy and all and to be frank on cloud9!! but still........i feel lost!!

When some one told me...u'll understand how difficult it will be from the next morning...i juz smiled to myslef thinking lemme see if this can really affect me.....but...strangely i've been bitten by the bug...naah no not the LOVE bug.....i am not going to love someone only because they are entering into my life....i wanna fall in love with the person and see the magic as it slowly unveils itself!!

So i am crossing my fingers and hoping that days should pass by very soon.........very soon that suddenlywhen tommroow i open my eyes and see it is either november or february!!...............i smile to myself...i juz check my mobile every few minutes anticipating a call or msg...and cursing myself for the decision i took about no contact throught mobile :(................but still i smile and juz smile to myslef....feel as if everything is new..fresh...different....ohh crap..i think i can now juz sing...Kuch to hua hai song aloud and dont worry about the stares i get from people around!!!

Yeah...now that makes me feel better.....

Rang chamkile saare lagte hain......
Raah mein bikhre taarein lagte hain.....
Phool ab zyaada pyaare lagte hain...........
Maheki hui si jaisi hawa hai.........
Kuch to hua hai, kuch ho gaya hai!!!!!!

Adios...
DewD

This and That Again

Lately i've been watching so many movies.......................it is as if i have been bitten by the cinema-bug and i just cant let a day pass by without wtahcing a movie....and i have been watching some movies n number of times to the fact that i can actually recite the dialogues......This makes my family wonder what is the problem with me.....i was never a movie bluff and i shamelessly accept i havent watched many of the master pieces but now i am catching up with those movies.....and now i can proudly say i have watched most of those chick-flicks or the so called romantic comedies now and planning to move on to horror and action which i say are not my type....
I love happy endings if not the happy memories....i love to read those happy things in the books....those tender explanations....for example a skillful writer can gracefully explain the minor things like pushing a strand of hair behind an ear and makes us actually visualise that scene.......i love the way some authors like Nicholas Sparks explain those minor things and makes them look beautiful....
I am in no mood to agree to the truth that some of his books actually made me cry.....i remember sitting in the infy bus on the jam pakced hosur road and those endless tears streaming down my cheek...the day i completed "A walk to remember" novel......that day i felt as if i am some one who actually witenessed the story of that pretty young girl Jamie.....and after few days i watched the movie...but the movie didnt evoke those feelings which the book evoked in me.....
In the same way the memory of a weekend is still fresh in my mind when i slept hugging the pillow letting those tears flow thinking about the graceful love strory of Adreinee and Paul....how it ended abruptly...and secretly i was even dreaming for someone like that...character from Nicholas sparks work come into my life and make me feel complete....
I knew people who adviced me and made fun of me when they learnt that i am a book worm and love those happy ending romantic novels rather than the mysteries...saying that i am just wasting my time reaidng those stories when actually in real life nothjing like miracles happen.....but inside me there is still this small girl who believes that MAGIC actually exists and if u can dream of something you can actually get it.....

Thats it for now.....and i am stopping here rite now bcoz if i continue writing this....i mite even fill this space with my hopes dreams an dwhat nots!!!

Till then...
Take care......
DewD!!

Me....myself

What do i need in my life????

Sometimes when i start thinking about the above question,i end up getting more confused about what i want, what i need, what can help me and what is that makes me be myself!!
To be truthful...i have everything i need in my life....my parenst who love me more than anything...a sis and bro who are always ready to do anything for me...some friends whom i can do timepass with....its more like i am a very very happy soul who at times chose to be unhappy juz for a lil change

May be ppl who know me when they hear this version of mine says...i have conflicting views.. they mite wonder what does this girl need...she says she want this at one moment and the next moment she says she doesnt want it!! Yes thats me....always confused(mind u thats juz by choice) crazy Dewdrop...

I am named as Dewdrop....may be i adapted myself to be like that...or may be i was destined to be like this....Dewdrop...a droplet of water u can find on the leaves early in the morning....the moment u try to touch it..it slips off from the leaf denying its existence on that very place....May be i am like that...Come too close and U'll loose me..


Adios..
Dewd

Confused as always!!!

Nowadays wenever some one asks me if i am OK i wanna yell at them and say "No i am not Ok"

Y do u bother if i am Ok or not...is that any of your business ectetc...

But owing to all those professional attitude,proper brought up i tend to smile back at them and say "Yes i am perfectly ok"...But sometimes it hurts to say I am ok whne i am not Ok!!!

These feelings are bothering me a lot nowadays....y do i need to be so amiable to all those xyz's out there who are really not a part of my life ... Why do i simply say a " Yes i will complete it by EOD and send it for the review" when i am sure i am not going to do it by EOD and even if i slog for hours altogether i still cant even finiosh 25% of the assigned work...

Sometimes i turn around and look at all the people who are working like me...with fake smiles plastered on thier faces and whose faces are always filled with tension and the stress....who cant even afford to take a 5 min break to go to loo..i juz wonder why exactly we are doing this....May be some fo us are really intrested in the coding and geeks who love to play with commands...but what about people like me...who wanna see some action who wanna do something different...who wanna be a part of the bigger picture rather tahn standing in the background and slogging day and nite to make our managers smile.....I agree that most of us work for a single appraisal which happens for every 6 months or for that hike which we gonna get durimg the CRR cycle but y cant anyone juz open up and say "Boss this is not what i think i am intrested to do...Lemme try something different".........

Yes u mite say...y dont u urself go and say those things to ur so called manager...but 2 years of this IT screwed up my life...the old self confident me is no longer alive...all u can see is the traces of the bubbly cheerful female who used to reside in this body...Gone were the days when i used to be the energy of the crowd...

I am no longer confident about what i am and what i can be.............................I started cribbing endlessly...cribbing about work,about life, about future,about past,about the plans i didnt follow, about the college days, about the school days, about my diet, about my non existent love life, about my long lost hobbies, about my voice, about those gym classes i never attended, those salsa sessions which i was supposed to attend but backed off due to lack of a suitable partner...

Everything comes back to me and when i analyse the things...i end up in a more confused state...unable to pick up the strings from where i left them...i sit here like a silent spectator watching the life...my life making its steady journey towards a non existent goal with a zero hope that something good mite turn out some where in the middle !!!

So much to say

Yes...there is so much to say....but words stopped flowing from my mouth....
i tried penning them down...but the pen in my hand doesnt move an inch!!
Am i happpy? Am i Sad?
Or is this a mixed feeling of being both!!!
From tommorow once again i enter the world of Cobol/sql/db2.....
I feel like a small kid crying to go to school....may be it is crying not to go to school....
Same in my case...I dont feel like leaving my cosy nest protected by my parents...but still to prove myself i need to venture into the outer world....away from the parents protection,away from thier caring eyes...
May be this sounds a lil bit tooo much...But there is a child still hiding somewhere deep inside me who sometimes juz can't let the age barrier choke up her emotions!!
I think its the same with everyone!!!...How many of us still make paper boats when it rains???
How many of us make paper rockets in the middle of any session??
How many of us juz go and kick the ball even when we are in our so called formal wear??
How many of us can juz sing and dance aloud even in a crowd for no reason???
The answer mite be like less than 5% of us do all those things..

Watever!!!

Adios,
DewD

This and That

Hmmm...
May be sounds wierd...But still i am writing this in here....

Today at 1.00 i walked out of B44 and walked till CCD at fountain deck asked for a Tropical Ice berg and started observing the Campus.....

In my nearly 2 years of stint wid infy..i dont remember sitting on the steps near the fountain deck with a big gang of friends....
I never sat in the smoking zone with anyof my friends juz enjoying that moment....
I never tried standing in the middle of the fountain deck and juz enjoy the feeling of standing over there....
I never sat on the wooden benches near B39 and 38 admiring the beauty of the fountain....

May be i was too busy running up and down everyday tryin to cathc up wid my work or may be my life....that i missed all those....

ANyway...I remember some quote by Gandhiji abt the real independence is wen a lady can walk in the streets of the country at midnite 12.00 without any fear...
I used to think if a girl walk like that at 12.00; add a white dress and open hair; No one will dare to approach her...

But now....wen i walk in the campus i felt ....Yes..This is my Infy...It gives me the security to walk like this @ Midnite...It is the feeling which came from deep inside which makes me actually feel a part of Infosys!!!....
I never really related myself with the feeling of being a part of infosys or never thought that i am one of the person contributing for success of Infosys...May be i am a drop in a sea but stilll...The drop had its own significance.....If drop is missing noone will notice...but yet.....Sea will be short of one drop...

Kya Problem hai!!!

Those old old days remind me of something which i've thought i've stopped thinking abt......
After becoming a SE i stoppped wondering wat ppl think abt me or wat my frnds talk abt me and all that stuff...
it reminded me of those insecure self conscious college days...the minute detail of how i am wearing my dupatta to what my grades should be...everything counted then...
But now...I dont care if i am leaving my hair open or wearing a pony or in the least i shave of my head!!!It doesnt bother me if my cubical mate think i have no style statement of my own or my module lead think i sometimes put forward crazy thoughts of what exactly i think of d project!!...
Wat matters for me the most now is Getting a LIFE..Yes i need to get a life....
People juz throw in the advices like "Go..get a Life" then u can see wat exactly the world is all about!!
But excuse me...doesn't my living like this mean I DONT HAVE A LIFE!!!or wat ever i am living now is it someone elses life????
Life mein to kabhi kabhi problems hote hain...but mere life mein aisa kaun sa problem hai jo mujhe PROBLEM kare ke highlight karna hai?????

Yes I lead this problem free life...and d problems i think that plague me nowadays are...Deadlines,Defetcs,Reviews!!!
Watever!!!!
lemme take a break and come back to fill this up!!!

MaatruBhasha Dinotsavam

Today morning all d FM channels are buzzing wid this MathruBhasha Day...

As per them atleast today we need to speak in the teeyani telugu language!!(Sweet telugu)

So tried my level best to speak in telugu and also tried to blog in telugu but in vain....

But had some doubts in d translations......In the morning had this doubt ki what must we call OLD FC/NEW FC in telugu....Can we call them patha Bhojanashala/Kottha Bhojanashala?


After comming back to PC i tried recollecting the telugu samethalu(Quotes) ...And Thanks to Google.....found some really hilarious quotes like:

****Tried translating in english....But the original spice in the telugu saying will be definitely missing in the english translations******


Aavalinthaku anna unnadu kaani, thummuku thammudu laedanta.- Yawn has an elder brother but Sneeze doesnt have a younger brother.

Acchigaadi pellilo bucchigaadi ki oka Janjhapu pogu

Adukkunnamma ku 60 kooralata, vandukunna ammaku okate koorata.

Anni telisinamma amavasya nadu chasthe emi teliyanamma ekadasi nadu chacchindi.

Asapothu brahmadu lecipothoo pappu adigaaduta.

Chaadasthapu mogudu chebithae vinadu, gillithae yaedusthaadu.-Sadistic husband doesnt listen if i say something but cries if i pinch him

Cherapakuraa chededhavu, urakakuraa padedhavu.-If u try ruining soem one u'll get ruined..If u run u'll fall :(

Daya gala mogudu thalupu daggaraku vesi kottadata- A kind husband closed the door and beat the wife!!

Erra cheera kattunnadallaa nee pellamae ?

Hotel rooms lo bible enduku pedatharu? Bhagavadgitha pedithe ethuku potharani.

Kukka vasthae raayi dhorakadhu, raayi dhorikithae kukka raadhu.

Manchi vaadu, manchi vaadu ante...manchamekki ganthulesaduta.

Nee netthi meeda edo undi antae adi edo nee chettonae teeseyyi annadata.

Nuvvu mekani kontae, nenu pulini koni nee mekani champisthaa annadata.

Pilichi coffee isthanante panchadara thakkuva ayyindi annaduta

Gaadidha sangeetaaniki vonte aascharyapadithae, vonte andhaaniki gaadidha moorcha poyindata.

Wait!!

She is waiting for him at the same place she met him for the first time................
Gettin bored....So thought of writing something and ended up writing a single line........
After re reading that line i had so many thoughts rushing into my mind...like may be they are childhood frnds and meeting after long time...or may be they are lovers meeting at some place...or may be the guy died and the girl is hoping for sme miracle to happen...as in some hindi movies the hero-look alike comes and take her away....or a mother..naah it cant be..ok may be a mother waiting for the grownup kid in the hostipal...Or she is some one like shilpa shetty in Life in a Metro waiting for Shiney ahuja....or a wife having a affair waiting for the boyfrnd with a feeling that he can take her away from her husband.......

P.S: Like many of my other entries this is also a crazy one....nd NOM to anyone living/dead/absconding!!!

I was thinking abt all the important things i did since my birth!!!(I intended to write my autobiography)
And guess what i did so many worth noting down things since then....And we have a quote in telugu "Puvvu puttagane Parimalisthundi" means "Flower sends out the fragrance as soon as it blooms" it is true for me!!
I was born premature(See my enthu to face the world)
I was lost wen i am 2yrs and luckily they found me (My wanderer spirit exists then itself)
I once pinched my bench mate in my nursery asking her to tell me wat comes next to alphabet 'D' (My fighting skills)
I was known for singing all love/Love failure songs from the time i started speaking/singing. And that too imagine sitting on the roof top and singing aloud...."O Priya Priya Na priya Priya...Needo lokam Naado lokam Ningi Nela Taakedelga" .It means..Oh dear u r in one world i am in one world..How can earth and Sky meet ( My singing ability)
Whenever we play Ramudu Sitha game the one we play with the chits...and one who get the Ram must find out the seetha...Ppl used to spot me immediately if i was seetha...coz u know me na...i used to shout "I got lakshmana or Bharatha or some Ramayana character" or else try to be shy...Lowering my eyes, Blinking my eyelids etcetc(C my acting skills)
My sister is an awesome dancer and singer...So automatically teachers thought i can also dance...and my Dancing abilities were bit down at that time....and i used to end up doing different aerobic poses for the Annual day Dances U know wat in any of d Annual day pictures..u can easily identify me doing hands up or holding the gun pose for most of d steps..(C my Dancing Skills)
And the list continues :P :P

Is it Different!!!

I've got used to post all the silly things i've encountered and all such things on infy blogs...then one of my blog frnds told me to start blogging in external blogs rather than internal office blogs....

Lemme c d difference...
Till then...
Take care....